How to make that change

If you want to change something in your life, it's common to try to stop the behaviors you don't like. While this certainly seems logical, it seldom works. The reason is simple - you create a vacuum where the old behaviors used to be. Since nature hates a vacuum it will fill the new void with anything it can find - typically the very behaviors you're trying to stop (since they're so familiar). Instead of stopping certain behaviors, try focusing on what you want to create and begin using the new behaviors. Over time, the old behaviors will be replaced by the new.

One place this idea can be important is in changing your management style. If you are abrupt or abrasive with employees and WANT to change the behavior, focus on being patient and pleasant rather than focusing on stopping the undersireable behavior.

What about weight loss? How many people focus on what they have to stop doing in order to lose that extra weight; quit snacking so much, don't eat such large meals, no snacks before bed, etc. Focus on what you should do instead; eat smaller meals more often during the day, eat fresh fruits, eat fresh vegetables, etc.

Try it yourself:
1. Identify something in your life you feel you've got to stop doing.
2. Think about what you need to start doing in that area.
3. Be specific and write down the specific new behaviors.
4. Don't punish yourself for the old behaviors. Stay committed to the new ones and the old ones will eventually disappear.